Lost and found

Well, John said we might be off-radar for a while and I certainly have been. For me, the last four months have been spent either working on the house, working at my day job, or sleeping. I weighed myself tonight, and I'm four pounds heavier than I was in January - I'll weigh myself again tomorrow morning for a more accurate reading, but as we're normally up to 3lb lighter in the mornings, I reckon I've got off lightly, as it were. I can't say the same for John. He's not been tracking regularly, and the weight seems to have crept on. Maybe up to 12 pounds of it has just crept on. That's just a phrase we use, isn't it? 'Just crept on'. When I weigh myself properly tomorrow I might find some weight has 'just crept on' me as well. That's what happens when we don't log everything we eat, when we estimate that portion of cereal, eat six slices of toast but log four, and so the list goes on. It's not helped at all that he's been ill in hospital again twice. Six months ago he could walk 200 yards - just - before having to stop for a rest. Now he can't walk across the room. How is he going to get any exercise in this state? And if he doesn't exercise, how is he going to lose weight? And if he doesn't lose weight, his heart will get even worse. Forgive me if I'm feeling a bit down about all this.

John's been nagging me to blog more. Warning - whine coming up (with a more optomistic bit at the end!). I'll let you into a secret. Over the last few months, I have occasionally felt - gasp- RESENTFUL! of John, sitting on his backside at my Mum's with nothing much to do but write and go to his creative writing class. I've been working particularly long hours the last few months, finding my day job particularly stressful, and the rest of the time has been spent sanding, painting, cleaning, lugging boxes out of the garage, and so on. But obviously, John's situation is not one he would have wished for. And not one I'd wish on myself. Time to snap myself out of that one.

Because now the end is in sight! I'm sitting in my lovely new living room with lime green and white walls (thanks to my friends who came and helped paint), and the rug we bought months ago is now on the floor, and we have a massive new kitchen/diner ready to cook lovely healthy meals in. And I've started writing again! I've decided I really must start earning some money from writing - that's been my ambition since I was a child and I owe it to my six year old self to try. So after looking at a lot of options, some of which pay peanuts, I'm trying out Hubpages. Remember a few months ago I said I was going to post a review of the Weight Watchers iPhone app? I've written it, but decided to post it on Hubpages and link to it from here, rather posting it directly here. Hubpages has millions of readers and scores very well on Google searches, so I can get my writing seen by more people. Please go and have a look!

And please cross your fingers for our proper weigh-in tomorrow. I think a small gain for each of us would probably be the best result - it would show us that we can't get away with letting things slip!

I Fell Off My Bike (Again)

I was back in hospital on Friday night, suffering from atrial fibrillation. Looks like I'll be taking it easy for a while - but I'll still be keeping an eye on my weight!

I Fell Off My Bike ...!

Or at least, that's what it felt like.

Many, many apologies for not having being on the blog for seven weeks.

As of late January I started to suffer from strange heart rhythms and palpatations and began to feel truly awful. By mid-February, I took my unpleasantly thumping chest to my local A&E for examination. It turns out I had (or rather have) pneumonia. For the last month I have been battling with the two main symptoms - bouts of palpatations (including entire days of atrial fibrillation) and bouts of breathlessness. The heart rhythms are particularly difficult to deal with - imagine the feelings of an hungry stomach, the gurgling and the emptiness, but transposed twelve inches further north.

As I write, on March 17th (happy Guinness day, by the way!) I am feeling better than I have done since I first became ill, and I'm hoping this will continue. But I'm taking it one day at a time.

I haven't been to Weightwatchers for a month, but was thankful when I last went there to see that my initial bout of illness helped me lose four pounds in a week. I really do have a different relationship with food when I'm feverish like that. In my semi-lucid state, it was even mildly entertaining to see how my interest in food diminished. I suspect at such times, though, it doesn't go below normal levels - it just returns to normal levels!
But there is something wonderfully unshackled about suddenly not having to think quite so much about food, and to get by on a yoghurt or a bowl of soup or half a normal plateful ... it felt like a little bit of freedom, despite the fever.

So ... now I'm back, what now? Well, I start tracking my food again, rejoin Weightwatchers, get fitter, and get back on the bike. Deirdre has been marvellous this month, slowly preparing our new home for habitation with paintbrush in hand, and many of my friends and family have gone far above and beyond the call of duty to help me get fit, and help our house get fit for purpose. Thank you all.
Also, and finally, a thank you to member of staff at my local hospital who took me aside a few weeks ago and asked "Do you right a blog?" (she recognised the Frankie-Boyle-but-happy fizog from the top of this page). Her encouragement and kind words were genuinely affecting - as she said herself, you don't often get feedback in "the real world".


Anyway, I'd better go. I think this is me back for good. I shall poke Deirdre with sticks and try to get her to write something soon.

In the Gripper Lunchtime

I've slipped back into bad habits in the last couple of weeks. No, not two-kebabs-a-night-and-a-crate-of-Coke habits, thankfully – but things are beginning to worry me nontheless.

In short: it's lunchtime. How do YOU cope with it? I have breakfast (Special K and toast) at around 8AM, to coincide with taking my heart pills, but by the time 1PM comes (or even worse 2PM) my body is rebelling. Little lights are going off inside my head. And I start behaving like John Mills in “Ice Cold in Alex”. I know some of this can be blamed on my diabetes, but the urge to gorge is overpowering some lunchtimes. So … I have started eating “diet” ready meals again. Three for a fiver, so that's three lunches with tweleve collective minutes cooking time – result!

Of course, there's the worry about the salt content, the fats and the sat fat. We all know supermarkets can parade words like “DIET” in huge letter on a packet that – on investigation – are actually nothing of the sort. But a nice hot microwaveable plastic tray keeps my cravings for sweets and crisps at bay all afternoon. Now, that's got to be a good thing. Hasn't it? Being bullied by your belly at lunchtime is a discomfiting experience - like having Gripper Stebson in your colon.

I really wish I'd kept a food diary back in 2004 (when I was 128kg, 40 kilos less than I am now) to check what I was eating then, particularly at lunchtime. Was it a sandwich and crisps? Soup and pudding? A biscuit and a ten mile hike … I honestly can't remember. But whatever it was, seemed to work – even if only for a short time.

Above is a photo of Deirdre and me at the Glasgow Transport Museum in January 2004, seven years ago. The change in me is quite remarkable in that time: especially when it seems like all my other friends have physically stayed pretty much the same in the last half-decade or so. Maybe a few more grey hairs, but no more pounds or kilos.

I feel a lot of sympathy for Tommy Sheridan at the moment. He too must be looking back at early 2004 and thinking … if only I'd done things different afterwards …

Light relief

First of all, we’re relieved to find that we have not put any weight on over Christmas – I’ve lost two pounds and John has stayed steady – no mean feat considering he’s battling with water retention. He went to the opticians yesterday and apparently even his eyeballs are retaining fluid. But he’s back on the points, and delighted that finally WeightWatchers have released an iPhone app (which is actually very good). I’ve been playing with it too and I’ll post more (with screen grabs) tomorrow!

The Twelve Weighs of Christmas

My weightloss has hit a snag these last few weeks... fluid retention. Despite adhering to the diet, I gained four pounds two weeks ago, lost three and a half pounds last week, and then gained another five when I was weighed at Weightwatchers yesterday. This is yo-yoing of the worst kind, and to have it happen just before Christmas (and after months of reasonably careful eating) seems a bit unfair. But who do I blame? Is there a god of dieting? Is Dionysus still in business, looking down and laughing?


Sadly, the only way to cope with fluid retention is a regime of socially-inconvenient water tablets (which I'm on anyway; I've just increased my dose for 160mg to 200mg) and fluid restriction. This should be 1500ml a day, which is the rough equivalent of 4 cans of cola and a tiny cup of tea. At the moment, I'm aiming for 2000ml, working slowly down to 1500ml as I can - but it isn't easy.

Restricting food and restricting fluid at the same time is particularly tortuous; the last time I managed it successfully, I was in hospital, and it was a tremendous shock to the system. Eventually after around two weeks, I settled down and got used to my restricted fluids - but those initial fourteen days were very, very difficult. Going back to 1500ml now is something that fills me with dread, if I'm honest - which is why I'm trying to cut in down incrementally. But, if at least some of my weight gain is purely fluid, it should be worth it in the long-run: when I left hospital I had lost nearly two stone in two weeks...

What I intend to do over the Christmas holidays is weigh myself with the same scales every day, at the same time, after taking my water tablets at the same time, and see if it fluctuates. I've decided to call this "The Twelve Weighs of Christmas" (if nothing else, because it gives this post a snappy title) and any drastic fluctuations in weight should give me an idea of just how bad my fluid retention is...

Anyway, Christmas...

... come round fast this year, hasn't it?

For those desiring weight loss, this time of year can seem a bit of a poisoned chalice. What is it actually for if you can't indulge and revel when the nights are at their shortest? The need for a midwinter celebration is common through many cultures and many religions. So how does a dieter cope? How do you avoid putting on another half stone while still joining in the week-long party?

Many people at my Weightwatchers meetings are either (a) just going to take "a week off", or (b) try to use "lighter" alternatives in their Christmas meals (pigs-in-blankets with lean bacon, steamed rather than roasted veg, sparrow rather than turkey, etc.) At first glance, the latter might seem the better option, but only - and it's a big "only" - if you can cope with the extra preparation and the (let's be honest) distinct possibility of culinary disappointment on December 25th.

For me, I intend to be good ... but not that good. I shall weigh myself every day (scout's honour) and try and restrict my fluids to 2 litres. As a diabetic, chocolates and sugary puddings and alcohol are all something I instinctively avoid, so that's an area of indulgence which thankfully is easily shut for me. But other things - genuine indulgences, particularly snacks and eating out - may prove far more resistant. Although whether their pull will be any stronger over the next week than over a dull weekend in February is yet to be seen!

Anyway - a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all our readers from the Quarter-Ton Couple! Have a good one, and we hope to see you all here again in the New Year: with fresh gym kits, blank weight trackers, sharp pencils and even sharper resolutions!

X

The Fat Tax and what I think of it...

A good couple of weeks since we were on Panorama, I thought it was about time I posted how I felt about the whole thing. It's still a 'live' issue - yesterday the Independent led on the news that the UK government are veering away from taxes and price controls on cigarettes, alcohol and fatty foods. Nudges rather than pushes.

I did think it was a bit wierd Panorama devoting a whole programme to something that the Health Secretary had already said would not happen, but there you go, they asked for my opinion and I gave it. And here it is: I'm agin it.

I believe a Fat Tax would disadvantage people on low incomes, who spend proportionately more of their income on food. This year, we're all feeling the pinch. Many people with jobs are finding that their salaries are frozen, people on benefits are facing cuts and unemployment is rising. VAT is going up in January to 20%, and you'd be surprised how many high fat and high sugar food items are subject to VAT. Since the costs of these foods are already going up, why increase them even more, and cause even more hardship?

As for John, well he agrees with a fat tax. He feels that anything that can reduce the amount of crap people eat is going to be a help. He does agree with me that there need to be more healthy options in the shops though. In our local shops in our town, it's very hard to buy fruit and veg. They do have little 'Scottish Government' sponsored stands but often they're empty. I remember one occasion John was in hospital on fluid restrictions. He was not allowed drinks but was allowed fruit. Could I buy any in our town? I'd have had to go to the out of town supermarkets. So I had to go into Glasgow to buy him satsumas, strawberries, grapes and all the juicy fresh fruit he was badly craving. I could have bought any amount of chocolate, bisuits, sweets, salty snacks and crisps. But not anything healthy. I don't think he really wanted a solitary brown banana or some potatoes, which is all the shops seemed to have.

So if they are going to increase the cost of fatty foods there should be a subsidy on healthy foods, and they should make sure that healthy foods are always available in shops. Large areas of cities and towns have no ready access to a supermarket, and many people (like me) don't drive so can't easily get to a supermarket.

I am not even convinced that increasing the price of fatty foods is going to help someone like me buy less of them. When I have a craving for chocolate, I have a craving, and very little is going to get between me and that bar of chocolate.

In fact, I found out during the filming just how much extra I'd be willing to pay, when reporter Shelley Jofri held up a packet of Maltesers and said 'Just how much would these have to cost before you would think twice about buying them? Shamefully, I realised they'd have to cost up to £4 before I'd even think of not buying them. No wonder I'm fourteen stone!

But the filming tought me that my willpower these days is a different beast than it used to be. The Panorama team put us in front of a table covered with food - it was like that bit where Gillian McKeith puts her victims in front of a table groaning with lard and takeaways. There was Burger King (greasy and cold), pizzas, ready meals, crisps, chocolate, and my nemesis - a tub of Ben & Jerry's. It all came flooding back. I held this stupid tub of ice-cream in my hand and found myself describing it as my 'gateway' and telling the nation how I used to tramp for miles to every corner shop within two miles of my house to get my supply. I'd have had to have walked a lot further than that to burn off the calories in a tub of that stuff - no wonder I ended up putting on three stone in a year! Thank god they didn't put that bit in.

It did feel a little bit ridiculous looking at food and talking about being addicted to it. I have the most respect for the struggles people have with drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. Food's an odd one because you have to continue having a relationhip with it. You can't give it up altogether. While some people decide that there are some foods they just can't ever have again, others go for the 'harm minimisation' and try and eat in moderation. I'm in that camp myself. Last time I had a tub of Ben & Jerry's in the house, I ate it in 250cal portions, not all at once, and it stayed in the freezer for weeks. That's a fairly good sign of 'recovery'. My daily food is a budget, and I don't want to spend that much of it on ice cream when I could eat something that would leave me feeling more full afterwards.

So I still eat my Ben & Jerry's, I'm just not stupid about it any more.